Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Obligatory Look Back

Yup... Everyone does one of these. It's nothing new and in fact it's all about the old. This is the day when people look back with a skewed light and reflect on the blip that was 2014.

For me, it was exactly how I expected to spend my 25th year on this earth: unscripted chaos.

The year started with major health scare in the family and progressed to being on the receiving end of months of domestic abuse. I've chosen to leave behind decade long friendships in the wake and have begun to really do that whole "define positive/healthy relationships" thing people do in their 20s as I move forward into the shining future.

On the flip side, I've stepped up the independent/freelancer gig and had an amazing time teaching a summer camp for kinestetic learners. I did presentations in several states and begun some amazing partnerships with amazing people. 2015 is going to be the year I graduate with a Master's degree (if it kills me) and will open some amazing new doors.

When I was younger, on my list of resolutions for years was "Get a boyfriend." I'm not sure when it disappeared from my list, possibly the same time I stopped thinking of gender as binary and became aware I could make choices, but it has not been on it in almost a decade. I use to think of Resolutions as a Post-Christmas list of things I wanted to do for myself. In 2013 I made a list of resolutions I planned to keep and I've included them below with commentary.

- I will challenge myself physically and mentally to become a healthy and strong person.  (... I would have liked the circumstances to be different...)
- I will focus on doing very well in Graduate School. (Got good grades and only needed one incomplete!)
- I will make writing a priority for me and do my best to establish a career as a writer in this coming year. (Oh Hi blog....This is what executive functioning fails look like)
- I will resume being involved in the local film community and try some photography modeling. (Check and Check on both of these.)
- I will keep my current skills fresh by dedicating time to practice and expand to learn new skills. (I've learned fire fans, leviwand, fire eating, and fleshing. Awesome!)
- I will work to foster new relationships and take the time to grow the ones I already have. (I also did some much needed pruning).

So as for my resolutions this year? Well, that's going to come in a little bit. It's not that I don't have them already in the works, it's just I want you to think about your own goals for 2015 and look at what is holding you back. For me, it has been the fear of jumping into something (be it a relationship or a freelance gig) and not getting what I want out of it. Turning down jobs and some relationships this year helped get my mind ready to what it is that I want. Although I've been M.I.A. from this blog for a month, I have been doing things behind the scenes to get 2015 in motion.

2014 was like the date that takes you to a bowling alley and makes you pay for everything because they "forgot their wallet". It wasn't the worst time and I still had fun, but I deserve more for myself. If I'm going to spend my time and energy on things, let's make them things I enjoy doing.