Saturday, March 21, 2015

Battery is 65%

 If you have ever seen me give a presentation or at a social event, you may think I am naturally a social person. You may think I'm an extrovert who thrives off of talking to people and being a social creature.
It's only one small part of me.

Over the past several weeks, I've had the pleasure of really going back to my silent mode. When I lived alone, I would go days without speaking to another human being. Alone in my home, I don't really have a need to talk. This month, I've sometimes gotten out of work Wednesday evening and not spoken a word until Sunday mid-morning.

I still communicate with people, but it's like this. It's all through technology and not spoken.

I enjoy being able to communicate through written language at times because my reaction time can be slowed down if I'm tired or not feeling well. This reaction time delay can cause a big of a 'lag' on my end of a verbal conversation. For those who have seen it in person,  I'm told it is not always noticeable but I may appear as 'spacey' at times. It's hard to explain it in person when it's happening, especially since I'm not particularly eloquent at the time.

My social batteries need to be recharged for about twice the amount of time they are used, if not more. So a solid weekend of being social at an event will take me at least 4 days to fully recover. Now when I recover, I don't need to be alone. I am perfectly fine being around other people as long as there is not a social expectation. Some people consider it 'rude' to not engage in conversation if you are in the same space. For me, communication is not just verbal.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Dear You, Happy Birthday.

Dear Me,

Please know, it will get worse. That feeling in your gut will not lessen; please learn to listen to it.
That nagging feeling when you wake up in a cold sweat and can't get back to sleep will not go away. When you hear a door abruptly shut and flinch because it will not "just get better with time".
When  you want to make a plan with a friend and it makes you afraid they will leave you standing on a street corner, that is just considered 'normal' in your mind.
Things will be horrible for half this year (2014).
But when you turn the corner, things will get amazing.
You'll finally start to appriciate yourself.
You will finally understand ability and disability in a global view.
There is an amazing home you can grow a wonderful garden in and remember what the ground feels like between your fingers.
School ends and it will not be as scary as you think.
The home you will make will be unlike anything you had imagined.
You remember what strong feels like.
You will never be truly alone as love will be in your heart.
I wish I could hug you
and say we will all still be friends next year,
but that would not be true.
Know the price we pay will be worth in it in the end.
Dear Me,
We did it!!!!!!!
At times we wanted to give up knowing it felt like the weight of the world was on our shoulders. It seemed an impossible feet but it was accomplished in just the nick of time. There is nothing stopping us from this final journey.
Just take the one last step we need.
Just a leap, as we know our ways along the rocky coast.
This project is going to help so many people.
Blessed are you for remembering love.
You opened your heart and let such wonder and light fill you to the brink, overflowing into the ocean.
Wearing your heart on your sleeve paid off.
Be very happy you know what love feels like and know things will only get even better.
Finally we understand how others should treat us.
Dear Me,
It's okay to be as happy as we are and not think the other shoe is going to drop.
We've turned the corner of success and our dedication will carry us through.
Resiliency is the greatest gift our family has passed on.
Please remember to laugh.

 Happy Birthday to Me~

How do we get the control that we might need to feel safe? I say that the first thing that we need control of is ourselves.-Reference from Aeprils Astrology

Wednesday, March 4, 2015


Leonard Nimoy passed away last week and it affected so many people. He was a great man who left a positive mark on the world. Many people have reflected on what his passing means to them and how he touched their lives. I am not a "Trekie" by any stretch of the imagination, but I admired everything the man stood for.

People who knew him spoke of him as a great man who cared about others. He was kind to his fans and I do feel that is something special considering how large his fan base is. From psychology to the arts, Nimoy was a multifaceted individual who exemplified what I consider "professional". He truely was an inspiration to me and many others.

I look at the legacy he has left behind and I'm filled with a sense of comfort. I firmly believe it is possible for one person to make a positive impact on the world. The world can be dark at times, but there are opportunities to act as a force of light to touch the lives of people. This is something I'm actively working towards and Leonard Nimoy was able to accomplish this. Even in my personal moments of confusion and hesitation, I know one person can make a difference.