Monday, August 18, 2014

I want to be social... but I'm not really social all the time

This weekend I went to preform at an amazing festival. It was filled with amazing and friendly people. I love these types of events, but after my Month of Autism (as July of this year shall now be known as) I was getting very quickly overwhelmed with people.

At the Autism events I went to, going up to someone and saying "nice bracelet" or exchanging random quotes from obscure movies can establish a friendship. When people were nice to my face,  I had no reason to believe they were not being nice behind my back. My hearing senses can get turned up and I heard people making snap judgements about me and my friends. Not cool.

Since I wanted to be social and had to take responsibility to pull myself out of a funk, I made up my mind to have fun. In my little cave of Brigid (also known as my tent) I regrouped, regulated, and headed out to socialize.

I've talked about spinning, or flow arts, quite a bit lately and I don't know if I've communicated it clearly. By finding spinning, I've found a part of myself. Even surrounded by people who I don't know, it was comforting to be known as "The Fire-spinner". I can spin things and relax in a way I've never done before. I had the opportunity to meet amazing fire spinners this weekend who elevate the art to a level I wish to one day achieve, and they complimented me on my spinning.

After a very stressful social encounter last month with someone who retracted a huge Autism leadership opportunity because I don't fit in with their value system, I must admit I felt crushed. It caused me to doubt myself, my values, and my mission in life.

My mission is to spread happiness.

Spending some time surrounded by loving and friendly people, I realized I need to remember to love myself. The path I've walked is one that could only have been walked by me. It takes a lot out of me sometimes just to be me, but I'm proud of everything I've done. I can be social doing the things I love as long as I don't let the negative people affect me. There will always be negative people around me, I just need to shrug it off.

When people ask me how their child or adult can be social, I often want to talk directly to the person and not about them. All people have their own comfort bubble and for some people we like to talk about our special interests. My special interests are movies, autism, animals, and flow arts. I've talked to people who like dirt, cars, architecture, and very many different things.

Being social can sometimes be a challenge. It can be scary, intimidating, and very anxious. However, the rewards far outweigh the stress. I met a lot of amazing people and I am really excited to get to know my new friends even better and share our successes with each other.

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