Friday, July 24, 2015

I'm not (completely) coming back

Before this trip I'm on now, I've spent the past few months working 60+ hour weeks to keep my head above water and afford this month away from home.

I'm not going back to that.

There are literally not enough hours in the day to get all the work done as well as take care of myself and plan for my future. Certain things, like my health and projects I've wanted to do, were put on hold as I simply put one foot in front of the other. This trip was the light at the end of the tunnel and there is no way I plan to go back into the darkness.

I've been offered a few jobs that will allow me to work smarter, not harder. These opportunities are based on my skill set, experience in the autism field, and my passion of helping others. I'll be able to continue living the life I have, but with "free time" and even *gasp* weekends off. Yes, the concept of a 'day off' is something that has eluded me for the past 2 years. I'm so happy that I'll also be able to put time and energy into creating the movement based programing. Hey, I'll actually have energy!

I realized the life I had been leading was nothing I could maintain after sleeping an average of 14 hours a day all last week. It also wasn't making me fully happy. In many ways, I was going through the motions because it was easier than trying to change things in the midst of chaos. Colorado gave me the must needed distance to look at my priorities and how to achieve those.

The other thing that needs to change, which I was told about by my friends on multiple occasions, is I need to start valuing myself. I work really hard, I help others, and I do a bunch of really awesome things with my life. It takes energy to to these things and in some ways my humility of thinking "well, anyone would do what I do" has gotten me into trouble. It's lead to people taking advantage of me and has put an unhealthy reliance on external validation.

It's not about comparing my own personal achievements to those of anyone else, it's that standing alone my life speaks volumes. For too many years people told me I can't do things or things would never be possible for me. I've ingrained some of those thoughts and it's time I realize I've proven them, and more importantly myself, wrong. I'm strong, powerful, and talented.

It's time I remember who I am as I work towards the bright future.

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