Saturday, February 14, 2015

Ke$ha butterflies

Today is Valentines day, also known as the day before chocolate goes on sale. I've been resisting getting a candy bar all day because 1) I am trying to be healthy and 2) tomorrow chocolate was be as plentiful as snow in New England.

Today is also one of those days where people analyze their relationships or their lack of one. This is one of those days where people get swept away by romance or are upset at the happiness of others. It gets really confusing.

Personally, I love to see my friends happy and in love. It gives me a ray of hope I'll find someone to be happy with some day. It's not easy for a person with social anxiety to go out and meet new people, but it is something that does need to happen in order to find a special person. Ah, the double edge sword. Most of the time, my desire to stay in my own social bubble wins out.

I will never be one of those girls who 'needs' a romantic relationship. I'm a little lot too independent to get swept up with needing someone to save me. Heck, I'm more likely to do the saving in a relationship or ideally we can make each other better along the journey. I feel people get an idea in their head about what a great relationship looks like without remembering it takes work to make it function properly.

One thing I've had to learn the hard way over the past few years is I'd much rather be by myself than in an unhealthy relationship. Being alone with my thoughts is still more comforting than being wrapped in the arms of someone who treats me poorly. I'm worth waiting for someone special who makes me feel like my stomach is filled with a million butterflies dancing to Ke$ha. I've been privileged enough to know what it feels like to be loved deeply by another person.

It feels like a million Ke$ha butterflies moving in-synch to "Your Love is My Drug".

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