Friday, February 1, 2013

Still growing

I was always the tallest kid in class. When we had to line up to go anywhere, it was a catholic school, I'd stand at the back of the line a good six inches taller than the next person. None of the cute kid clothes fit me because I was bigger and taller than me peers.
I was kicked out of McDonalds playplaces when I was 7 years old because I was already bigger than the height requirements.
At theme parks, they tried to get my parents to pay adult prices when I was 9 because I was already so tall.

The phrase kids like me always heard was "one day you'll grow into yourself." This has always been the mantra of the gawky skinny kid and the ones whose ears grew faster than the rest of them. We take no solace in this phrase when we are a kid and we respond with "Yeah right". We think the adults are full of themselves and have no idea what they are talking about.
As an adult, i know I'm full of shit sometimes but this phrase finally made sense.

It's only very recently that I've accepted growing into myself. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved my body in my own special way. I've bared it all as an artist model since I was 18 years old and as a performer, modesty has never been one of my virtues. But loving yourself and feeling at home in your own skin are separate things.

I can't think of a better analogy than shoes. I love my converse and I always have. When you get a pair of shoes, it takes a while to break them in. Each person will wear away the tread differently and tie the laces differently. What will seem like no support to one person will feel like walking on a cloud to another. The color of the shoe matters and the style is just as important.

It's taken me 23 years to feel at home in the black high top All Star shoe that is my body. This journey I'm on is getting exciting now that I know I can do anything as long as I listen to my body to find my boundaries.

I know every shoe is different, even the ones that come in a set. So today I'm going to remember not to compare myself to a stiletto because they are totally different. Besides, I rock my converse. 


  1. You rock all your shoes, girl!

  2. I remember the days of always being in the back and having people think your parents were trying to cheat them when you actually were still in the 10 and under category.