Sunday, September 8, 2013

Busy B(rigid)

"I'm busy."
No really, I'm busy.
It's not me trying to be rude, but my own health and sanity (what's left) comes first.

Being skilled at multitasking has created some problems when the tasks begin to multiply. Even though people in my life may forget, I am disabled. Executive functioning skills refer to the ability to plan and organize things. I don't have good executive functioning skills and I never have. I've shaped my life to compensate for my lack of that skill set.

As frequent readers of my blog know, big things are changing in my life. So many changes that what few coping strategies I have have fallen apart. I've gotten overwhelmed lately with all the things going on in my life and how sudden things have begun to change. There have not been enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do and sometimes not everything I need to do.

Just for giggles, I'm going to highlight everything I've been doing for the past couple of weeks. I'm currently a full-time grad student working on the first classes towards my masters. I'm also still working full-time as the lead staff for the next few weeks as we transition people to take my place. I'm also working part time (right now) as a TA for an online class geared towards Direct Support Professionals working with Autistic individuals. I also have responsibilities in my Vaudeville troupe, as well as needing to rehearse on a daily basis. I've also begun doing freelance writing and working on multiple book projects.

So yeah, I'm busy

Now I can function under extreme pressure. The college I went to was a one-course-at-a-time type. That means you are in class every weekday from about 9am to 3pm with a two hour lunch break. My free time would normally be filled with work, homework, other leadership responsibilities, and my social life. Part of the reason I have so much fun relaxing with nerf guns or dressed like a zombie is because I work so hard.

But even I have a breaking point.

Now my breaking point is different from other people's breaking point. Other people will give up some responsibilities before they reach their breaking point. For me, my body will give up before my mind admits defeat. It is only when faced with my body failing from the stress and pressure, do I finally give in.

My point came this week after almost a month solid of everything. Anxiety would wake me up from my sleep. Naps were frequent and about 2 hours in the middle of the day. I kept forgetting to eat at regular times so my tummy started to hurt randomly during the day. I wasn't happy with what I was doing.

So I changed.

I recharged this week and said good bye to my full-time job, again. My fridge is stocked with healthy food and some premade meals to prevent grabbing junk food on the fly. Laundry and chores are done (well except for the clean laundry next to my bed-nest). Sleep was my best friend this weekend and I socialized with other friends, but only in small amounts. Also the pile of unopened mail was opened after being unearthed from beneath the fruit bowl.

I'm not like other people. My average days could send most people into a meltdown. I've always liked to be busy and am a failure at pacing myself. I give 100% to everything in my life. Busy is not a temporary thing for me: Busy is a state of mind. Constantly moving, constantly thinking, and refusing to let life pass me by: that's busy.

Busy is not a negative thing, either. Being busy makes people realize what is important to their lives. I choose to be busy with things that make me happy. My busy-ness has a positive impact on dozens of lives, when things don't get too overwhelming. Being busy can be a great motivation for change. If you were able to be in control of every hour of you day, who wouldn't want that? Life is busy, so get busy with life!

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